Monday, May 24, 2010

My tears...

I can barely see my computer screen as I have continuous tears welding up in my eyes.... 

Venti is moving out on Friday.

He is moving 77 miles another State...not extremely far..but away from this house.  To start his life with Mocha and a new job.

The house that has so memories of him here. 

We moved here when he was 5.


Just a small boy.

And now he is grown.

  He has been packing for the past week.  I didn't really think much of fact the only thing that I was thinking was what a mess the house looks like with his boxes and stuff everywhere! 
Then last night I waved goodbye to Joe at the window as he drove down the street to work.
Venti had left after dinner to go over to Mocha's (Venti's Fiance) house.  Tall was at work.
Grande and Short were downstairs.  The house seemed so quite for some reason.
Venti's room is on the first floor and his door was cracked a little.

I walked into his room just to see how far he has gotten with his packing.

Its like the air was sucked out of me.

I sat down on his bed and looked around me. 

Tears just started flowing down my face.

I sat there and looked around.

Looking at the empty nail on the wall that once hung a picture of something....I don't even know what.

Looking at the giant stuffed animals way up high on his shelf that he won one year at the boardwalk...he kept them all these years.


Looking at the bottle of sea shells that he got one year at the beach...tucked in next to his college graduation cap and gown.

Looking at all the trophies he has won over the years...covered in dust... 
And then there...sitting amongst his prized trophies was his beloved Elmo...the very same Elmo that comforted him when he was sleeping...the very same Elmo that helped sooth the pain when he fell off his bike...the very same Elmo that Venti sucked on his nose when he fell asleep....

That's when I lost it.

I was so choked up looking at Elmo....remembering how Venti wouldn't go to sleep without him.

Now Elmo was sitting way up high...on the top shelf...covered in dust...forgotten by Venti.

How could this be?  My little boy...moving out of the house that he grew up longer will our family be the same.  Even though its a reality I still do not want this next chapter in my life to start.

One day I will be writing that Short is moving out too...and for that day to come, well I cannot even fathom that thought.  Why does it have to be that way?  Why are we given these precious babies only to pack them up and watch them leave one day?  I know that is life...but I have a hard time comprehending it.

I cannot stop crying.

This is so hard for me.

And then I saw his little t-ball glove....

Lying in the to a dust small and tiny....belonging to the little boy....who is now a man...but in my mind....he is still my little boy.....and he is moving can I tell myself that this is ok?  Because right now I can't and I'm so sad.....


  1. I'm so's hard when that time comes! My oldest moved out and it tore me up, but he's been back for a while now...after a car accident. Don't know how I will react when it's time for him to move again. (((HUGS))) and prayers!

  2. Oh, Java! I sat here, reading your words, with tears threatening to come. Dear friend, it is so difficult to read. Though I have not reached that point, myself, I have thought about it... In the scheme of things, it is not that far off... It has to be so difficult!

    My heart is with you! I'm sending you BIG, BIG HUGS!

  3. Oh so sorry to read about this! Even with my toddler at 15 mths I'm already feeling sad thinking of him going to school and meeting new friends in few years time :(

    Be strong Java! No matter how far Venti is, his heart will be with you! You are his mum and there's nothing that can change that! :)

  4. Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment.

    It is bittersweet when our kids grow up. My daughter will be moving to Spain in August and will live for 10 months and I have not quite wrapped my mind around that yet!

  5. If I read this post for a second time I shall be blubbing all over my keyboard too, in sympathy, and thinking ahead to when my daughter leaves home, which I am already dreading and she is only three :-)
    The good news is 77 miles is not too far, so you can see him often AND no longer have to do his laundry, cook or clean up after him :-)

  6. Oh honey, now you understand what the "empty nest" syndrome is and millions before you and after you will go through this same phase. Sometimes the most comforting thing in the whole world is hearing someone else understand and say, "Me too" too. Big hug.

  7. I can only imagine how you must be feeling -- At least he won't be "too far" away. Sending good thoughts your way!


  8. Aww *hugs* It will be hard. I can look at this post and now I"m wondering how hard it was for my mother. I think I need a hug from my Mom.

    There will be times when he still does too... And weekends where he comes home and crashes for a night or two...

  9. you have given him life, you have given memories, values you have given him to be the best adult. he will always give you back his love. 77miles seems far but you will work it out. cry for saddness cry for happiness. god bless.

  10. Awe you made me cry.

    Mine are so young it's hard to imagine a quiet & empty house, but I am sure that the time will fly by.

    LOVED the Elmo story =)

  11. Oh... I feel like that is just around the corner for me, and I can't imagine how it will be. My oldest just turned 21 and will be a senior in college in the fall. She is so ready to "start her life."
    I try to remind myself that this is what we did everything for, all of these years... to nudge them to their independence.
    It's so hard... :(


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