So last night I was picking up a couple of pairs of his shorts when one of them "crinkled"......
Yes...crinkled....
I reached inside the one pocket....
And I found this....
I almost fell over! He has had a girlfriend for a couple of months but there is no way my 17 year old son would need a condom!! 17 year olds don't have sex...do they???
Then I started thinking that maybe he was using it for other purposes and I came up with 20 possible suggestions:
1. Hair tie
2. Slip 'er over a payphone to avoid "NASTY" germs
3. Bathing cap (if you stretch it in the right manner)
4. Neat travel case for your toothbrush
5. An emergency air-sickness bag
6. Put them on soda cans to keep the fizz in when you're not drinking it.
7. Travel size shampoo and conditioner holders
8. A turkey baster
9. Keep your hot dog juicy in the microwave
10. Latex toe warmers
11. Stuff, and use to stop drafts under doors
12. Fill with rocks and use to as a weapon in a crisis situation
13. Makeshift sandbags in the event of a flood
14. To keep candles dry when camping
15. Build your own incredible "Water Weenies"
16. Golf club cozy
17. A way to save that half-eaten banana
18. Change purse
19. Cake frosting dispenser
20. For those long car trips that dad hates to stop for potty breaks
Yes...one of those has to be the reason that wrapper was in his pocket!!
But then my curiosity got the best of me and I went investigating in his room.
It didn't take me but 5 minutes.
And then I found these:
Why were they all opened and put back in their package??
Well I was going to find out!!
So being the Mom that I am, I decided to lay the Fire and Ice wrapper on my bed beside Ozzie (cat)....I waited until Tall was walking by my room and said, "Awww come see Ozzie"....so Tall comes in and pets Ozzie and I said, "look at Ozzie.....really look at Ozzie"....well his eyes finally focus on the wrapper and I think I actually saw beads of sweat pop out of his forehead.
Tall: "Ummmm ohhhh"
Me: What is that for? Are you having sex??
Tall: We only did it twice!
Me: Twice?? Where??
Tall: Once here and once at her house!
Me: Here? Where?
Tall: In the basement!
Me: In the basement? What if someone came down? Like Short!
Tall: Ummmm I don't know!
Me: Ugh! Well I do appreciate you using birth control but a condom doesn't mean she won't get pregnant and your too young to have sex! Is she on birth control?
Tall: No...her Mom won't let her!
Me: Omg...yeah she won't let her because you two shouldn't be having sex!!
Tall: I'm actually glad you found it because I wanted you to know!
Me: Well then you should have told me! I'd rather you tell me then to find them!
Tall: Sorry!
Me: So why was there so many and why were they put back in their wrappers?
Tall: Ummmm well I was practicing!
Me: Omg...what kind of response do I say to that??
Tall: Well I didn't want to look like I didn't know how to use them, so I was practicing!
Me: Has she had sex before? Because I know you haven't!
Tall: She had sex with 2 other guys and no I haven't had sex before!
Me: 2 other guys! Slut!! (I didn't say that but I wanted to)....omg....
Tall: Its fine Mother....its not like we do it all the time!
Me: Well now you might not be but 2 times turns into more time and more times.....
Tall: I'm so glad we had this talk!
Me: I'm not...I'm freaked out!
Tall: Can I throw those away now? I didn't want you to find them in the trash.
Me: Oh so you'd rather me find them buried in your closet?
Tall: Oh like you wouldn't have freaked out if you found them in the trash?
Me: Of course I would but I wish you would have just talked to me...I thought you knew that!
Tall: Well I wasn't sure...now I know...thanks Mother!
Me: Mother? What happened to Mom??
Out the door he went. Happy as can be.
Me? I'm left trying to process what just happened.
Give me strength! And suggestions...what do you do? You can't prevent your kids from having sex! Or can you....
Wow...... First, I think you handled it extremely well!!! And, thank God, he is at least thinking about birth control. Although, he needs to think about it a little more. OMG, he was practicing. Never even occurred to me.
ReplyDeleteNow, I must admit, as a mother of 3 young boys; this post made me happy with our problems now. I am soooooo not ready for those types of conversations.
oh honey, I'm so sorry! number 1 son is also 17 and i have yet to find one (while digging through his stuff)!! i know exactly how you must feel. seems like just yesterday i was dropping him off at preschool!
ReplyDeletebut...at least he wrapped it up and he had the foresight (no pun intended) to practice so he put it on correctly!?
oy. hugs honey!!
LOL! I'm sorry...
ReplyDeleteHe was practicing - what a pressure he must've had.
I wouldn't worry so much about your son because now you both know.
But how about the girl? She might be in a mess soon if she doesn't stop changing sex partnes. We know - we're women - what it means in her life later on...
Your comment section doesn't give me Name/URL option so I add correct link to my blog > BLOGitse
You handled that really well! I do not look forward to the day my daughters.... I cannot even write it!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI do feel for you, but the lines of communication are definitely open because you did not fuel a potential firestorm.
I know this was an undesirable conversation but he wanted you to know - most boys don't - so you're doing something right! Keep talking. You have more influence than you know. And without berating them, you can offer him some things to think about and consider...
ReplyDeleteI admit I giggled at the idea of boys practicing & I thought your 20 suggestions were hilarious!!
Java, don't feel bad.. I saw a condom in my son's wallet.. and yes I went in his wallet to see if he had money. so many times he has left the house w/out any which we know is not a safe thing to do.. I told a friend I found an unopened condom and she told me that it was what all guys did... a friend must of given it to him... anyway, be glad your son is being responsible... Yes, MOTHER is a hard word getting use to hearing isn't it? lol.... And your son was open and honest w/you...
ReplyDeleteBravo....you did the right thing. The lines of communication are open with your son, you told each other how you felt...I wouldnt worry so much, he sounds like a bright young man. I have 4 grown boys and the lines of communication were open and even today (they are all in their 30s) so I guess I have survived. Plus they grew to be fine young men I am proud of...Your first hurdle was the fact that he could talk to you...so many kids these days cant talk to their parents...I only hope the girl has a good family relationship like you do with your son...and dont think this will pass in their teens, there are whole other set of problems in their 20s..but keep those talks open...wait until they hit 30, with wives and kids...there's more stuff to handle...but as long as you can talk to each other, theres half the battle...Mine think they are independent, but its nice when they call and say "Hey mom can you help with with something?"....Hang in there....
ReplyDeleteWell done and also to your son who was looking for honesty in his relationship with you.
ReplyDeleteHe now has a mother he can talk to.
You handled the situation well.
AS the mother of three boys you have scared the crap out of me for what the future holds.
ReplyDeleteAs a teacher I am absolutely dying about the practice comment! :) At least he is taking this seriously.
Bless your heart! :)
Holy crap! All I can say is thank HEAVENS he's using SOMETHING! My oldest chose to have sex with a crazy girl. Not once, not twice but multiple times. Sure I got a beautiful granddaughter, but I could have waited, and now even though he is divorced from her, we are forever linked to ms. bat-shit crazy
ReplyDeleteOh my!! I am soooo not ready for that day, haha! Luckily mine are still so young, I don't have to worry about it. Although my step-son is 14!! AAAHHHH!! You handled it well. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your son, too. I hope my son will be able to talk to me when he gets older :)
ReplyDeleteWell, as the mother of three girls, I don't know what I'd do with a young man in this situation. But I think I would for sure have a talk with the girl's mother. Yep. I would. As the mother of the girl, I'd want to know. Do you know her mother?
ReplyDeleteBut I have to tell you, reading your list of possible uses had me hysterical. I'm still chuckling. I can't offer much more than that.
Is 'sorry' the right word right now?
I liked your ideas of what he might have been using them for. LOL
ReplyDelete"Practicing?" hahahah Love it!
Just be glad he used protection. None of us want our kids to have sex until they are married, but..it happens.
You handled it very well and I love your top 20 uses list!
ReplyDeleteI am so not looking forward to this conversation with my son. I know that it is coming, too soon, but I am just not ready.
Look at the positive - he knows enough to use some protection. And he seems to have plenty to practice with. :)
Off to browse through my son's room, discretely of course!
He's using condoms at least. There is absolutely nothing else you can do. I also think you handle it well. Your top 20 other reasons for him having a condom was real funny ....okay, okay - sorry - but one day you will laugh at about this.
ReplyDeleteHaupi
Oh. My. Gawd.
ReplyDeleteAs the mother (mom!) of a just turned 16 year old boy, I really, really could relate to this post. I think I just saw my future - conversation and all!
You handled it perfectly. And as far as the "practice condoms"...I was relieved that that was what they were for. At first I was afraid he might have been trying to REUSE them!!
http://4vks.blogspot.com
I will agree with everyone else. You handled it well. Tall wanted you to find the condoms. He wanted to talk to you. That says A LOT OF AWESOME THINGS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP. The fact that you have talked about it, means that the door is open for future conversation. I think my next question would be, "If you are throwing all of your condoms out, does that mean that you broke up with this girl?" Or if you don't feel like going there maybe you can approach it from a "feelings" point of view. Meaning, I know that you did this but how do you feel about it? Too soon for you? Stressed? Uncomfortable? I wouldn't force that conversation, but let him know that you are willing to listen. The most important thing is to not do or say anything that makes him stop talking to you. Or make him feel like he can't talk to you. So long as he wants to talk to you, that is a good thing. Most moms do not have that with their 17 yr olds. You are blessed. Maybe it is not feeling that way right now, but you are.
ReplyDeleteNew Follower from FMBT! Funny blog, I know it prolly wasn't funny to you but cute to read. I am sure you are worried.... but you are right, you can't stop them but at least he was honest with you (after you found the evidence....)
ReplyDeleteFeel free to follow me back!
http://monicaandrusty.blogspot.com/
I think its great he talked to you. I would advise against talking to the girls' mom though - your son trusts you, if you run to her mom and tell her then your son may hesitate to be so open with you in the future. The girls mom probably already knows what her daughter is like. I have a teenage son AND two teenage daughters. Fortunately they are all very open and honest with me - but they also know that I will keep what we discuss between us.
ReplyDeleteFreaking out is the most natural reaction...take it from one mom who has been there...aye. It is such a strange feeling to find those wrappers, I have been there! I did exactly what you did, came up with excuses, although yours are beyond amazing, lol! Let me just say this, AT LEAST YOU KNOW he is having sex and at least "trying" to be careful. Most parents (okay moms) kid themselves and think that OUR kids would not be having sex, but the truth is alot of them do, it is beyond our control, short of chaining them up and never letting them leave the house, but then, they will do it IN YOUR HOUSE....eeew!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Java this is so brilliantly written I was laughing all the way through - not that I imagine you were laughing when you discovered all those wrappers. OH my, that was a lot of practicing your son was doing. I also think that absolutely he wanted you to find the condoms, he wanted you to know but couldn't quite think how to broach the subject with you. I also have a feeling he'd like to talk to you some more about sex, keeping it safe and more so now you've broken the ice on this one I think you should ask him if he'd like to talk about it some more. I'm betting he does.
ReplyDeleteThis is my first visit to your blog and I'm delighted to have found you. What a funny post (to me, anyway). I have a daughter and I can only imagine how a similar conversation would have gone.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you have a great relationship with Tall and that you managed to say all the right things.
I'm an ostrich shoving my head in the sand! AUUUGGGGHHHH!!! According to my mother I'm still a virgin - and I plan to keep it that way! We won't even discuss that my two grown kids are living with significant others - THEY ARE NOT HAVING SEX!
ReplyDeleteIt's cool that you're open about it. But it still is a lot to process. Wanna come join me in the sand?
When I was reading your first list, I thought, "Maybe he was just practicing." At least you didn't find a used one in his bed while changing his sheets! (By the way...that didn't happen to me, but did happen to someone I know.)
ReplyDeleteMy oldest son had a teammate who got his girlfriend pregnant their senior year. He could've gone somewhere to play football in college. I hated it for him, but it was an incredibly good teachable moment for my son & his girlfriend!
I know this is serious...but I am still laughing over your 20 things he could have been using them for....I have been through the teenage years with a boy and a girl...You did well...Someday you will look back at this post and smile....
ReplyDeleteDue to the recent bad weather, I was really hoping for #13, the emergency sandbags...you have a great sense of humor to post that list.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you do, I do not think you should talk to the girl's mother unless she is a very close friend of yours. Keep talking to all of your sons and maybe get to know his girlfriend better. Good luck!
Oh my goodness you made me laugh. Your uses for a condom cracked me up.
ReplyDeleteI remember those situations with my kids, awkward for sure.
So glad he left the conversation happy....even though I know exactly how confused you were feeling.
I like this post, and I personally appreciate all of your suggested uses for the condom. (I've got one or two in my drawer that need to be put to use somehow.) Your son sounds pretty mature, and you obviously have a trusting relationship.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
You're little man is growing up...(sigh), it's bound to happen someday. I still remember when my stepson came to me wanting me to purchase condoms for him. How can you tell them no? If they are wanting to be responsible, then I say get out the banana and teach him how to properly apply it. It's not the easiest conversation in the world, but knowledge is important to protecting his health, and I think you handled it wonderful btw...way to go!
ReplyDeleteThat is too funny!!! Kids will be kids and it happens to all of us...
ReplyDeleteOf course you can prevent him from having sex - LOCK HIM IN THE BASEMENT UNTIL HE'S OLD ENOUGH say... several years from now??
ReplyDeleteI howled with laughter over the uses for condoms - very very funny! And no, you can't stop your kids from doing what they want to and as much as you hope they make right choices, sometimes they don't. You can only love them fiercely (& make sure they know it) then go to your room and drop to your knees and as God to protect them!
Wow! I think you handled that really well. And now I'm reminded that I have three daughters. I need to get really strong locks.
ReplyDeleteOMG, my kids better not grow up. EVER! Ahhh, to know they will really have sex one day. Ugh. I'm locking them up in the basement.
ReplyDeleteOh Java!! I am cracking up and sorry I missed this post yesterday! I loved your list of things he MIGHT be using them for (especially the water weenies!). Oh to go back to the easier times....legos, matchbox cars, and thinking it would be "yucky" for a girl to see your bits and pieces!
ReplyDeleteYou are my hero....
Well, under the circumstances you handled it brilliantly! Now that you've had time to think about it, maybe you should have a more serious talk about it. You know, like not sleeping with every girl, std's, babies....
ReplyDeleteYour list is hilarious. You should save it and show it to him one day!!!
Love that you immediately thought of other possiblities for the condom wrappers. Denial! Really loved that he 'wanted you to know'. Typical 17 year old! Couldn't he open his mouth?
ReplyDeleteI'm so referring to this post when I have to deal with this with my sons when they are older(I have three and am now very scared!). Kids seem to be 'growing up' so much quicker these days.
I'm dying. THIS is why I was terrified of having boys.
ReplyDeleteBy the way. I was drinking coffee. And am wearing a white shirt. Not a nice one. Just, you know, a singlet. which isn't white anymore.
I was fine until you got to keeping hot dogs juicy in the microwave.
At which point, you owe me a new shirt. A nicer one.
(Just found you from Flog ya blog at Lori's). Fabulous(ly terrifying) post.
wow is this what I have to look forward to....? I hopped over from Flog Yo Blog,
ReplyDeleteIm now locking up my nine yr old... lol... for the next twenty years
Oh my!! hey, there are far worse things you could find in his room... like a pregnancy test?i think you handled it well! ;)
ReplyDeleteGirl ya did good! This Ozark farm chick is retired Special Ed from a Middle School and yes honey the kids ARE havin' sex younger and younger. I'm talkin' 4th and 5th grade here and the other stuff they do...well, let's just say it shocked this Ozark farm chicks modesty!!! I commend Tall for takin' responsibility and using a condom. He sounds like a very level headed young man. Ya've got a good boy there.
ReplyDeleteNow on the other hand ya cracked me up so hard I may need Spackle! Heeehehehe, I loved-loved you 'other' uses for condoms. Your too funny!
From the sunny hills and hollers of the Missouri Ponderosa, ya'll have a wonderfully blessed day!!!
OMG OMG OMG
ReplyDeleteI have no word!! I would have just died. The words "ignorance is bliss" finally made sense to me and I am soooo thankful that my daughters are all over 20....and living in their own house....where I can pretend that all they do is bake cookies and watch Leave it to Beaver reruns......
You did very well. I started when I was 15 because my mom (nor dad for that matter) bothered to tell me about sex. It sounds like he is comfortable talking to you now. That's great! I am so glad you found my blog today. I'm happily following yours now.
ReplyDeleteCame over via Grammy Girlfriend and I'm so glad I did. Thanks for a big chuckle! Love your list of 20 uses. Too funny!
ReplyDeleteHappy Weekend.
Hugs,
Kat
Oh Java, I'm just catching up on blog posts after a busy week and I have to say, I chuckled all through your list of 20 possible uses for a condom! You have quite the imagination!!! :)
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, I remember when I found a condom in my younger brother's jeans when I was doing his laundry years ago. Looking back, I think he actually wanted me to find it so he could talk to me about the fact that he and his girlfriend were having sex. Especially since his girlfriend at the time was way more experienced that he was and I think he felt pressured to have sex or else she'd think he was weird.
Probably Tall wanted you to find the condom as well since he obviously wanted to talk to you. For me it was really hard to know how to give my younger brother advice because at the time, he was 16 and I was 17!!! Talk about the blind leading the blind. I was still innocent and naive and tried to give him the best advice I could because talking to my parents wasn't even an option. Thankfully Tall has a wonderful mother who is able to give him good advice and guidance. He is blessed to you as a Mom!
I think you handled that pretty well. At least as well as something like that can ever go. And he is being "smart" about it. I will never forget the day I did my son's laundry and found the dreaded wrapper. Stick a knife in my heart and call me done!
ReplyDeleteBut it was nothing compared to when I found out my daughter was having sex. Unprotected sex. It's a scary and complicated world our kids are living in. Even though it is rapidly turning my hair grey....I'm glad my daughter now talks to me about EVERYTHING.
I came upon you thru Grammy Girlfriend. HILARIOUS post...altho' about a very serious subject. Your humor brings light to you! As for your son, I am glad you had an open talk about it...even if it did end with him calling you "mother" - LOL! I wouldn't let it go tho', b/c I believe you should reinforce "not in this house ever again if you have to at all anymore!" to ensure that Short doesn't walk in. Also, you may want to talk with him some more about the character of this girl...he's the 3rd!! Ok, and NO clawing eyes out when she's at your house again!!! But, I'm glad he practiced (& yes I openly LOL'd on that one!) so he's not only practicing birth control, but protecting himself from those she's already been with! Hang in there...the ride's just beginning.
ReplyDeleteSide note - starting to model at 40? FABULOUS! Your beauty is more than skin deep, I can tell you have a beautiful spirit!
Blessings ~ Merana
Oh my, this parenting gig can be a little exasperating
ReplyDeleteyou did right. i had a very similar situation with my son. it's better to open a talk with your teen.
ReplyDeleteOMG I laughed so hard I freaking CRIED! I am STILL CRYING FROM LAUGHING!!!! LOL ! LOL! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI think you handled it perfectly, and I think you are an awesome mom for allowing yourself to remain calm enough to get him to discuss it with you and get him to be honest about it. That's a huge accomplishment with a teenager, I mean wow. You are seriously talented Java!
I'm also pretty proud of not just him, but you for the fact that's he's actually using condoms, AND that he practiced. You know what, I'm sure you thought it sounded gross, but I remember being in college and my roommate and I broke open a pack and were trying to figure out how to use them correctly too. She ended up making a balloon animal. And then her mouth went numb from the non-9. Now that was a good story to repeat. LOL LOL It's better than he figured out how to do it the right way on his own so he didn't put it on inside out and then have it break when they did it. This would be the plus side to trying it out. Now what i am wondering is why it took him so many tries to figure it out??? LOL
Java, I just know I am going to end up with a herd of little boys and I just don't know if I am going to be as good at it as you are and I really hope your blog is still around in 15 years so I can ask questions!!!
And a "neat travel case for a toothbrush"??? WTF??? LMAO
Hahaaa....oh my...I'm sorry you have to go through this...My son is now 40...thank God. I'm a 58yr old retired nurse and I agree with you...SLUT...Hahaaa...or Not?! I think I'd do a little more investigating. It's worth it. Herpes Simplex2 has infected 59% of our children...not to mention all the Other crap that's out there...Good Luck and God Bless your heart!
ReplyDeleteYou did handle this very well and gave us all a laugh with your imagining the other uses for the condoms. Very funny stuff!
ReplyDeleteI'm just now catching up this week. I hope you are enjoying a great weekend! Candace
You ARE AMAZING!!
ReplyDeleteThe list is PRICELESS!!
When it was my son 1.5 yrs ago he actually told us he wanted to talk about something. WHAT can you say? "You're grounded for LIFE, I don't care if you just turned 18!!" ;p So... we tried to get to know the girl more, he adjusted all his college plans to go where she was going giving up a scholarship to another school (WHA???) and before Christmas even rolled around she had cheated on him with 2 different people and he was heart broken. Hard lessons they have to learn sometimes and we can't protect them from consequences even though we often wish we could.
Hang in there!
((HUGS))
I was going to say most boys have one in their pocket. Since he's having sex I'm extremely happy he's using them.
ReplyDeleteWow, you're a real trooper, that's for sure. As a Mom of two grown sons, I've been there, and I didn't handle any of it nearly as well as you did. At least you know, and he knows that you know, so that part is past you. You're communicating, even if it is awkward and weird. Good luck on your journey down this road. Thank goodness it doesn't last forever. Good post. Loved the "other" reasons for a condom list!
ReplyDeleteTerri