Sunday, August 8, 2010

Wedding Dilhemma #4

I received the bridal shower invitation in the mail yesterday!!
My parents started getting calls right after the mail was delivered.

"Who is Mocha? (Venti's Fiance)"

"Why were we invited to the shower?"

Ok first of all Venti's name should have been on the invitation...."The Groom is Venti".....That way people from my side of the family would know who in the heck Mocha is!.....Right?

And for the question, "Why were we invited to the shower?"

Yes...people actually had the nerve to ask that!

But it turns out that Mocha's Mom sent the invitation to EVERY female on the wedding list....EVERY!!

You aren't supposed to do that are you??

And I'm sure the one's from my side all think that I gave them a list of people to invite to the shower...but I didn't!  I wasn't asked who to invite!!

So the shower is planned....

Over 100 are invited....

They should get enough glasses and towels don't you think??


  1. Wedding showers are meant to be intimate affairs, not asks for gifts, so yep, they are in the wrong in that area. However, if the invitations have already gone out, it's expected that anyone invited would be able to figure out who the bride is--even if they were invited to the wedding due to knowing the groom. Make sense?

    Of course, if they don't think they should have been invited, all they have to do is RSVP with a no, thank you, and all is fine. No present required.

  2. your son's name should have been on the invite! WOW big shower!! LOL

  3. LOL, omg... I was going to say the invitation is attractive... Too bad there was so much confusion.. And yes, NOT every female should be invited... as someone else said, its an intimate affair.

  4. I'm typing on my son's laptop, and it has a weird feel for me. I should have written, "If the wedding invitations have already gone out," but I forgot the word wedding.

    It's no dilemma for you, you aren't hosting the shower.

  5. Wow!! Now that is a big shower. I've always thought that the bridal shower invitations were to go out to friends and family that were very close etc. Usually your place of work throws one separately.

    Now mind you, years ago I was invited to a Bridal shower where they clearly stated you were to give money and not bring a present. They also stated what the minimum about should be. I declined for many reasons, but I sent a gift...a real gift.

    I agree, she should have enough toasters, coffee makers and towels to last 20 lifetimes :0)

  6. Crazy that even wedding showers can get so complicated these days. Did they even ask you for a list? A polite "regret" would have been more in order than "Why was I invited to the shower?"

  7. I want to be invited because they want Me to join in on the celebration Not what I can buy for them...goodness! Never heard of doing this.

  8. Wow...that is a huge bridal shower. I am going to resonate what others have said here. Bridal showers are intimate affairs, not to be shared with absolutely everyone. It is also my understanding that bridal showers are not to bring gifts for the bride & groom but rather where gag gifts and intimate gifts are given to the bride. Often times, they include games that are played which honestly could be rather uncomfortable for an older lady to attend. Surely, it was just a mistake on their part to invite absolutely every woman to the bridal shower?

  9. There are household showers and personal showers. I would think one of this size would be the former, but Mitzi is right. Who knows what some people might bring!

    My shower was a blend, but it was also small. Ten friends? The gal pals that threw it called it "Bridal Shower-Happy Hour," and they had a margarita fountain. It makes for a nice memory.

    I used to work bridal registry in a fine department store, and my mom was way into wedding etiquette, so forgive me if I'm preachy. Again, not your problem, you did nothing wrong. Any time someone is invited to any function, as a guest, she has the right to decline the invitation, no explanation needed.

  10. It is so nice to hear all of your opinions and I agree 100%! They are supposed to be intimate affairs and shouldn't be about the volume of people that come or the number of gifts they get! are not preachy at all! I am very appreciated for your advice!! And your shower sounded awesome! they unfortunately did not ask me for a list! :( The MOB just took it upon herself to invite EVERY female on the wedding list! Aggrh!!

    @Marnie...omg I can't believe someone had the nerve to ask for money..and a specific amount! Yikes!! I wouldn't have gone either! lol

  11. hey i just recently got remarried (like 5 yrs ago) and was totally stressed out by the whole thing. my advice to you (even though you didnt ask) is to JUST LOOK FABULOUS and dont sweat it!!

  12. Cute invitation. I'm quite surprised you weren't asked for a list. Oh well, this shouldn't reflect on you. What does the bride and groom think?


  13. Egads. You are right these are usually small gatherings. Sometimes a bride has more than one because they are thrown by different groups of people. For example, her work friends throw a shower for her. Obviously, they invite other female friends from WORK. She might have a shower thrown by her friends and they would invite her FRIENDS. Then there is the shower that is the family shower. That is usually thrown by a sister or cousin, whoever the closest female relative is. That person makes up invites for all immediate family of the groom and family of the groom that the bride has met, likes, and wants to invite. It also includes immediate family of the bride and not-so immediate family that the bride is extremely fold of that she wants to be there. Those invites have both the bride and groom's name (though the groom usually doesn't attend). In all of these cases, the guests know ahead of time what sort of gift to bring. If it is gag gifts, lingerie, or gifts from the registry, everyone is informed ahead of time. Never in my entire life have I heard of anyone sending a shower invite to every female on the guest list of a wedding ~ and then not even including the groom's name.

    I am not sure what the dilemma is, but I would tell those who call that it is perfectly fine for them not to go. If they don't know the bride, it would be uncomfortable. Period. And they don't need to send a gift. Bringing one to the wedding is standard operating procedure.

    Oh, Java, this has been a learning experience all the way around, hasn't it? I feel for you!

  14. Oh my! They are right in it not reflecting on you. It'll be fine. And you know what they say, "2 wrongs don't make a right." So even if they feel they aren't close enough to be invited to the shower, they didn't need to say mopre than "not available". ((HUGS))

  15. Don't worry,they don't have to show up but if I were you I would have plenty of food!! LOL

  16. i think you should have been involved in the shower invitations and more. what happens if 50 to 100 people show up . Is there room. your son's name should have been on the invitation thus no one would question who Mocha was Rose

  17. Miss Manners would have a fit! And rightly so.

  18. Well, what's done is done. As Pam says, just look fabulous, since at this point there's not much that can be done regardless of what should have been done.


  19. Adorable invite, for sure....and what a big boo-boo to invite them all! There will be lots who don't come to the shower, I would bet, but you never know!!

  20. Oh, well. Hope everything goes okay.

  21. 100 invites - yikes! I haven't been married, but I have been a maid of honor and bridesmaid and that just seems like a no-no! Hope it all works out okay! :)

  22. Oh that's funny! I don't think you're supposed to invite everyone - I thought showers were for friends of the bride! Probably didn't know proper etiquette - most people don't anymore!

  23. In some families a hundred invites would not be out of order. lol
    Seriously, I go along with what everyone else said. This is an oops but oh well...enjoy anyway. ;)

  24. I've come to the conclusion over the years that every culture seems to handle weddings differently. When I got married 8 1/2 years ago, my Mum's side of the family had a small shower for me (25 peeps) with my aunts and female cousins from that side, my Dad's side of the family had a medium-sized shower (50 peeps) for me with aunts and female cousins and a few long-time friends of that side of the family, and our church had a Jack & Jill shower for both my husband and I that was quite large (100 peeps). Then my close girlfriends had a personal shower for me that was just for 5 of us.

    But the thing is, we didn't ask for any of these showers, people just approached us and asked if they could throw them on our behalf. However, in all cases, I asked people NOT to give us gifts but nobody listened! They found out where we were registered for our wedding and bought us tons of stuff. I felt so incredibly overwhelmed!

    I actually asked my Italian side of the family just to have an "advice shower" where everyone would bring me some advice on marriage. However, asking Italians to forgo giving gifts is ridiculous so I got the advice and the gifts. Actually, now that I think about it, asking Italians to give advice is pretty much unnecessary because I was likely to get it regardless of whether or not I asked!! :D However, I do have a really cool scrapbook from that shower with different pieces of advice that people wrote out and brought to the shower. It's especially poignant now to go back and read the advice from some of my aunts who have since passed on.

    Anyway, Java, I love Pammy Pam's advice: "JUST LOOK FABULOUS and dont sweat it!!" People who love to give, give from the heart and will "shower" your kids because they love to be part of helping a new couple out as they start out in life together. And people who don't love to give, don't need to come! They can always find some reason that there is a conflict in their schedule or something.


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