Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A Christmas wrap-up...

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas!! Mine? Not so much...:(

On Christmas Eve we were getting ready for Church and Grande had told me in the car the night before that Tall got his SAT score and I was surprised because Tall didn't tell me that he got his score.  Grande asked if I wouldn't tell Tall that I knew because he would know that Grande told me.

Me:  Tall...did you get your SAT score yet?

Tall:  Ummmm yea...it was 1250.

Me:  Thanks for letting me know.

Tall:  I just found out last night!

Me:  No you didn't.

Tall:  Omg...yes I did...last night when I looked on the computer.

Me:   I heard that you've know for awhile.

Tall:  No I haven't...I just found out.

Me:   That's really nice that you are lying to me.

Tall:  I am not...I just found out.  You never believe me and this is a bunch of crap.

So the whole way to church I didn't talk to him...he didn't talk to me.

After church we went out to eat.  Half way through the dinner we still weren't talking and it was really upsetting me....here it was Christmas Eve and one of my son's isn't talking to me.....so I said something to Joe because if one of the boys weren't talking to Joe, I would have intervened and fixed things!!  Why didn't he take the initiative to do that himself???  Agrah!  Men!  Anyhow...then Joe starts saying that why is he getting involved and I said because its effecting me and he should have said something to Tall...but he didn't.....so Joe finally says something to Tall.....Tall looks over at me and half-ass says he's sorry.....but....he didn't lie and he only just found out (even though I know he is lying...cause Grande said he knew the night before what his score was!).....so we argued back and forth for a bit and I said, "that's it...its Christmas Eve and I really wanted to have a nice dinner!"......is that too much for a mother to ask for??

After dinner we went home and Tall's girlfriend came over and we exchanged presents.....no word from Venti.

Christmas morning the boys opened their presents and we were out the door to go over to Joe's parents house....they live 5 minutes away.  Joe's parents were asking were Venti and Mocha were and we said that we hadn't heard from them.  They were upset that he wasn't there with us.  Later on we headed to my parents house (remember..they live next door to us)......we got there and my Mom asked where Venti was....I said that I didn't hear from him.  She said that Venti never told her that he wasn't eating dinner (we've eaten Christmas dinner at my parents house for the last 25 years!)....she said that its not right that he hasn't called or come over yet.

3:00pm....Venti and Mocha arrive at my parents house.  By then I was pretty upset that spent all of Christmas Eve....Christmas morning and most of Christmas afternoon with Mocha's family.....then Venti and Mocha only stayed until 6:00pm because they had to leave to go back to Mocha's house to see more of her family!!   We hadn't even exchanged presents with Venti and Mocha!!  They said that they would come over tomorrow....the day after Christmas!

We later find out that Venti never called or went over to see Joe's parents....they were so upset...they are in their 80's and who knows how many more Christmas's they will be around for.

On Sunday (the day after Christmas) Venti and Mocha come over around 3pm.....Joe and I were both upset with them...so was my parents and so were Joe's parents...and his brothers!

We sat down and I said that we needed to discuss what happened on Christmas day.  Mocha says she will NOT change the way that she does Christmas morning and says that she will always wake up Christmas morning at her parents house and she will never change that!  I asked if Mocha would have been okay with not seeing her parents on Christmas Eve, Christmas morning and then not until Christmas day at 3pm....and for 3 hours??  She said no, but that's the way it is at her house and she won't change.  I said that they are married now and they need to divide their time and she said that it takes 3-4 hours for all of them to unwrap their presents because they all take turns opening one gift at a time so she said that there is no way to cut down on that and so there is no other option!  I said that Venti has a family too and needs to spend time with them and Mocha said that she doesn't see how because that's the way they do things at her house!

So we argued about it for awhile.  Venti said he would communicate better and they would see what they can do about dividing their time.

Apparently once you marry into their household you have to do things their way...or their way!

Joe's parents never got to see him because they went back home yesterday.

So that was my Christmas....not very good....this marrying your children off is a bunch of crap...especially with a daughter-in-law that has my son whipped already!

Hope all of yours was better then mine.....

Guess there's always New Year's to look forward to!


  1. Oh Java, I'm so sorry to hear this. When my daughter was married four years ago, we had the same issues. As it turns out, the pattern we've gotten in to is that we spend the early to mid part of Christmas day together and then they leave to go to his parents, which is where they stay for the next couple of days. The in-laws get the bulk of the time, but we get most of Christmas day. We have learned to be happy with this because we do not want to add stress to the marriage. I know it's different with sons and daughters, but hopefully your new DIL will figure out the concept of 'sharing' through loving conversations over the next year! Wishing you the best!

  2. Oh girlie, I hate that too when my most favorite holiday gets pooped on. Mocha is young, as she gets older she will learn the concept of sharing and that the thing that makes you feel the best is making other people, not yourself, feel important rocks.

  3. Sorry about Christmas causing stress and hurt feelings. I am shocked that your DIL has no concept of splitting time. Your son is going to have to put his foot down on that one. We don't have to split holidays ever because my ILs are in FL and we live in WI. We usually visit them over Spring Break and spend Easter with them.

  4. WOW, so sorry bout the DIL. Hopefully in time she'll come around! Here's to a Happy New Year! :0)

  5. I'm sorry about the hurt and communication issues you had to go thru. Hopefully your husband can talk to your son and remind him the man needs to lead the household. And, that his new wife led him away from his family at Christmas and it can't happen again.
    I hate Christmas with my husband's family, there I confessed. But, mine isn't here, so a girl has to do what she's got to do.
    my new blog is http://www.dont-worry-bout-a-thing.blogspot.com, check it out, maybe you will catch a smile.

  6. I like that you were so honest and forthright with the discussion with your children. And yes, it is much different with girls. I have 3 daughters, 1 son and we went through a situation much like yours with our dil. Needless to say, the issue pretty much took care of itself after a year or two. Maybe yours will as well. Have a great new year.

  7. I agree with the above! Your DIL has some growing up to do. Not that this would work with her being so stubborn....but here's a suggestion. In my family we have the "in-law/out-law" Christmas schedule. In-law Christmas - my siblings and families and my mother spend Christmas day together. Out-law Christmas - my siblings and families and my mother spend Boxing day together. It switches every year. This took alot of organizing as one of my BILs is one of 8 kids and all their schedules had to be re-arranged. But it's predictable and it works and no hard feelings. Would your DIL agree to some sort of a rotating schedule so that everyone could see everyone at Christmas or is she too much of a prima dona?

    My 2 cents

  8. Oh My! Definitely not an ideal Christmas! thanks for sharing your SAT conversation with your child. My eldest is 15 and lately he's been lying about test scores (I know when they're posted) and can only imagine that I'll be having the same type of conversation with my son soon enough. Thankfully 2011 is just around the corner and hopefully things will be better and brighter for you!


  9. She'll have to realise that sharing is part of marriage. My SIL is the same, everything has to be done the way her family do it, and it aches me to see my bro give in all the time.
    Men are easygoing a lot of the time on stuff like this, maybe your son needs to stand up too?
    I'm sorry that your Christmas was made sad by this, ours wasn't great if that's any consolation, way too little sleep, burnt turkey, but we survived it. I'm glad it's over.

  10. May your New Year be filled with many Blessings and abundances of Joy for 2011. From my mountain to yours, Until next year
    Hugs and Smiles Gl♥ria

  11. I think your husband needs to talk to your son and let him know how much he has hurt others by his actions. He needs to put a stop to this type of thing now or it will only get worse once children come. My daughter is fair with her MIL and her husbands side of the family. If she wasn't her husband wouldn't put up with it. Also, I have talked to my daughter about how she should be nice and try to have a good relationship with her MIL because after all she will be one hopefully one day. Wonder how your DIL would have felt if this had been done to her! Hopefully your husband can talk to your son. Start planning now for Easter!

  12. Oh Java, I am so sorry there was so much stress at your house
    With four of my adult children living in town we had to come up with a plan that would please most. We have decided to be together on Christmas Eve, have a nice dinner, presents, play games, some go to church others don't and then that is it for our side of the family. Christmas Day is for their other families!
    It can be hard but harder is stressing and fighting. We all call each other on Christmas day..Not calling a Grandparent would not be an option.
    Sadly, Venti is right in the middle and I am sure he is just trying to please his wife. Hopefully with time and maturity, Mocha will realize that both families hold equal importance.
    My middle daughter was pulled to cater to her in-laws whims. Does it hurt..Oh my yes..but after thirteen years I have learned to live with it. Her MIL was the one that said : "I will be the favorite Grandma" and she was the one that gave my daughter 1000$ to spend on the two kids for Christmas. I have too many Grandkids to spend that kind of money..and I will not buy their love. I do experiences for their Christmas gift which will give them lifelong memories. I will be taking the boys to the Monster Truck Show, last year we went to see the Harlem Globetrotters. Last year the girls wanted to spend a day baking, this year they want to me to take them to a hotel, with a swimming pool, to spend the night.

    You take care, know that Venti loves you, he is just learning to be a husband and not a boyfriend and that takes time.

  13. Java, Sooo very sorry to hear about this! I know how you feel.We never see my youngest stepson he's 21 cause he's wife don't want him to come around. It's all her family. And my stepdaughter if her & her husband & kids show up they unwrap gifts and leave. Now my stepson Chad & his wife divides their time between 3 places.

  14. The Bible says "A man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home..." It's for a very good reason. You cannot make a marriage when you play to the whims of all the others. Each couple has to find a balance, but put their marriage above the other family members. I've read all the other comments and it seems this is not unusual. I believe your DIL needs to grow up. She proved that before from what I've read. I hope everybody can work things out for next year. Holidays can be stressful enough without all of that.I hope you have a very good New Year, Java!

  15. java~i am sorry you had a sad christmas. i remember when i was married, my ex (well, she was my mother in law at the time), had to have christmas HER WAY or the highway. it was very stressful, esp. once the babies started coming.

    if it makes you feel any better, my christmas was not good either. first, i broke up with my bf, two weeks before and moved out of 'our' home, and it was the first christmas without my sweet sister. thankfully my girls tried to make me have fun.....they are a blessing!

    here's to a happy 2011! xoxoxo

  16. So sorry, Java, about the reluctance of Mocha to budge on the family stuff. Maybe it will change after you get a chance to work it out with Venti for other family get togethers. More drama, I guess, once you get those kids married off. Stay strong to your values.

  17. Java, I divide between 4 families I know the stress of it. But believe me when I was married, I never acted that way to my Mother in law, now did my husband then act that way to my parents.

    I hope your the approaching year is better for you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers
    Hugs n Blessings

  18. Ohhh that is sooooo less than even OK! I am so sorry about the DIL, hopefully she will get over the fact that Christmas is all about her. I am surprised that her parents don't understand and suggest that she go to her new in-laws house to spend some time there, they were just as selfish as she was. On the up side it looks like the puppy had a nice Christmas and made out well with gifts! :) I hope you have a MUCH better New Year!!

  19. Aw, what a disappointment! When I was a new and young DIL, I was a monster, too. I really regret being such a selfish girl when I first got married. It must be pretty common among newlyweds. Hang in there-- keep your cool, be patient, be generous.... it will all smooth out in time.

  20. WOW - so sorry to hear about such a rough holiday. Perhaps you should e-mail the DIL the link to this post??? LOL! She definitely needs to learn that marriage is about GIVE, as well as take! And her family needs to "get" that it's not all about them anymore. May need to be a this year your family's house, next year my family's house kinda thing? I'll be praying you find a way to convey your feelings by next year. I mean seriously, she needs to "get" that your son has a family that he values too....and that you all love HER as well & want to be with her too. Hugs ~ Merana


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