My tears...

I can barely see my computer screen as I have continuous tears welding up in my eyes.... 

Venti is moving out on Friday.

He is moving 77 miles away..to another State...not extremely far..but away from this house.  To start his life with Mocha and a new job.

The house that has so memories of him here. 

We moved here when he was 5.

5!

Just a small boy.

And now he is grown.

  He has been packing for the past week.  I didn't really think much of it...in fact the only thing that I was thinking was what a mess the house looks like with his boxes and stuff everywhere! 

Then last night I waved goodbye to Joe at the window as he drove down the street to work.
Venti had left after dinner to go over to Mocha's (Venti's Fiance) house.  Tall was at work.
Grande and Short were downstairs.  The house seemed so quite for some reason.
Venti's room is on the first floor and his door was cracked a little.

I walked into his room just to see how far he has gotten with his packing.

Its like the air was sucked out of me.

I sat down on his bed and looked around me. 

Tears just started flowing down my face.

I sat there and looked around.

Looking at the empty nail on the wall that once hung a picture of something....I don't even know what.

Looking at the giant stuffed animals way up high on his shelf that he won one year at the boardwalk...he kept them all these years.

                              



Looking at the bottle of sea shells that he got one year at the beach...tucked in next to his college graduation cap and gown.

Looking at all the trophies he has won over the years...covered in dust... 
And then there...sitting amongst his prized trophies was his beloved Elmo...the very same Elmo that comforted him when he was sleeping...the very same Elmo that helped sooth the pain when he fell off his bike...the very same Elmo that Venti sucked on his nose when he fell asleep....

That's when I lost it.

I was so choked up looking at Elmo....remembering how Venti wouldn't go to sleep without him.

Now Elmo was sitting way up high...on the top shelf...covered in dust...forgotten by Venti.

How could this be?  My little boy...moving out of the house that he grew up in....no longer will our family be the same.  Even though its a reality I still do not want this next chapter in my life to start.


One day I will be writing that Short is moving out too...and for that day to come, well I cannot even fathom that thought.  Why does it have to be that way?  Why are we given these precious babies only to pack them up and watch them leave one day?  I know that is life...but I have a hard time comprehending it.



I cannot stop crying.



This is so hard for me.

And then I saw his little t-ball glove....

Lying in the corner...next to a dust ball...so small and tiny....belonging to the little boy....who is now a man...but in my mind....he is still my little boy.....and he is moving away.....how can I tell myself that this is ok?  Because right now I can't and I'm so sad.....