Thursday, February 10, 2011

Never Assume...

I have often made the mistake of assuming. Life has taught me my assumptions are often flawed. I hope I am getting better as I get older.

But then I went and "assumed" something.

A VERY good friend of mine, Eileen that I have been friends with since the 9th grade has a son the same age as Tall and they are in the same school...same grade...but they are not friends.  Her son Conner said something on Facebook about me that I saw.  It was something about him wishing he could "do something" with me....if you know what I mean.  I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it....well I "assumed" he didn't.  Other boys then started commenting about it and I was getting embarrassed for Tall because he goes to school with these kids.  I only happen to see this because I was on my fake Facebook profile creeper on my kids....lol...

So I email my friend and tell her that Conner has been saying things about me on Facebook and could she have him delete them?  She got right back to me and apologized and said she would take care of it right away.  Not long after that everything was deleted and I "assumed" all was okay.

This was June 2009.

I didn't hear from my friend again.

I sent her several emails....and nothing.

When it was time to send out the Wedding invitations for Venti's wedding I didn't know what to do.  I hadn't spoke to Eileen in over a year. 

She didn't return my emails....

So what did I do? 

Invite her?

But she isn't talking to me.....or so I assumed.

Yes I assumed she didn't want to talk to me or she would have emailed me back....right??

I didn't send her an invitation. 

2 months after the wedding I get an email from Eileen.  Asking how I was....then she proceeds to tell me that the past year has been really tough....her husband's job was downsized....they didn't have internet access (hence the no replies to my emails)....and their house is in foreclosure!   The house that they just built 5 years ago.

She asked about the Wedding.....

I felt terrible....

I told her that I hadn't heard from her and I "assumed" she was mad at me for something....

She said she was just embarrassed by what was happening in their life and that's why I didn't hear from her...

I said that I should have called her...

She said she should have called me...

So because I "assumed" something that wasn't....my best friend didn't get to see my son get married.

I can't change it.  Its in the past.

We both vowed to never let this happen again.

We met for dinner last week and I brought the wedding pictures.  She oohed and aahed over them and I felt a lump in my throat.

Never assume....

Making assumptions is something we all do in many areas of our lives. An assumption is “something taken for granted or accepted as true without proof.” In other words, it is belief without proof.
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31 comments:

  1. LeslieFebruary 10, 2011 at 8:00 AM

    Oh no... Well, you know what they say about the word "Assume".. when you assume you can sometimes make an "A$$ out of You and Me" and I've been the "A" many more times than I care to remember. At least you found peace at the end of story. Goes to show that we never know what is going on in someone else's life even though they make it seem all good on the outside of the front door.. Have a great day!

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  2. qandlequeenFebruary 10, 2011 at 8:31 AM

    That's horrible. At least, as true friends, you two have put it behind you and are moving forward.

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  3. PatriceFebruary 10, 2011 at 8:52 AM

    At least you got back together. She probably needs your support.

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  4. AshleyFebruary 10, 2011 at 8:57 AM

    I always tell myself, never assume. If I don't know, then I should ask. I'm glad you guys worked everything out!

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  5. Carol E WyerFebruary 10, 2011 at 9:05 AM

    I was going to write the same as Leslie. Mercifully you have both put it behind you. Just proves what good friends you really are.
    We should all be careful not to assume. I'm afraid, like many, I have fallen into that particular trap myself.

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  6. Kittie HowardFebruary 10, 2011 at 9:59 AM

    What a story! Oy! I could feel the pain in your words. Oh, but I feel for both of you. Fortunately, a deep friendship trumped assuming and you're both back in the fold. Your friend really needs you. I know you're there for her. Thank you for sharing such a powerful story. HUGS!

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  7. cheleFebruary 10, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    Thank you for sharing this. What a great lesson for us all.

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  8. TrudyFebruary 10, 2011 at 10:51 AM

    I am so sorry about what happened with your friend. But thank you for sharing your story. It will most likely help others avoid future mistakes.

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  9. MichelleFebruary 10, 2011 at 12:32 PM

    Wow, I hope things are all better now.

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  10. MollyeFebruary 10, 2011 at 1:24 PM

    Oh Sweetness, I'm sorry about your fractured friendship. But it is all on the mend now it seems. I've ashamedly done similar things only to realize how wrong I was to speculate and jump the gun. But those times have just been a way I think of God tapping me on the shoulder to let me know some character flaws I needed to work on. It takes a big person to admit their mistakes too. Blessings to you both, Mollye

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  11. Mrs. TunaFebruary 10, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    Sad to have missed being there for each other but sometimes you walk away with something stronger.

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  12. Kalei's Best FriendFebruary 10, 2011 at 4:23 PM

    I am so sorry.. U know what they say about ass-u-ming....I know u have heard the phrase 'blood is thicker than water'? guess that fits here too?

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  13. Teresa @ Grammy GirlfriendFebruary 10, 2011 at 5:32 PM

    What a great word...Assume has got me in trouble many times.....

    Loved the post

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  14. highheeledlifeFebruary 10, 2011 at 6:18 PM

    Thank you for sharing this and I'm so happy it had a good ending. This is certainly a reminder that technology is not full proof and communication we hit send on , may not actually arrive to the recepient...wishing your friend the best as she gets back on her feet and now that she has her long time friend by her side, she will be OK. xo HHL

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  15. dluvscokeFebruary 10, 2011 at 6:45 PM

    Sad story. I find that most of the arguments my husband and I get into are because one or the other of us ASSUMES something.

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  16. Helen PigottFebruary 10, 2011 at 7:00 PM

    Ouch! I think there is a lesson to us all here Java. The best thing is that you are talking again so hopefully you can chalk this up to experience.
    Helen xxx

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  17. AFare24GetFebruary 10, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    Very cool. This is also a "Keep the lines of communication open" with your friends. Maybe you need a 'round tuit'. ~lol~

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  18. RobinFebruary 10, 2011 at 7:54 PM

    So glad you were able to put your friendship back on track. I was afraid that this story was not going to have a happy ending.

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  19. MaryFebruary 10, 2011 at 7:55 PM

    Glad y'all are able to put that in the past and move on. Hate that your friend was going through all that and didn't reach out to you, but understand that she was embarrassed about it.

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  20. GinaFebruary 10, 2011 at 8:31 PM

    you are exactally right, Java you can't change the past you can move forward. (that ASSUME word has gotten me into so many problems over the years) like you I knew darn good and well not to do that. Let's just say my bff are once again unseperable.

    Hugs n Blessings
    Gina

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  21. Sharon RoseFebruary 10, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    Oh. . . this is a hard lesson. I'm so glad you and your friend worked through it. Sorry she missed the wedding on both parts.

    I'm glad you posted this. I can imagine I would have done what you did. Sorry you guys had that bump in the road and yet, glad your relationship was solid and worth getting to the other side of it.

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  22. Sheila SilerFebruary 10, 2011 at 9:20 PM

    A good lesson for us all.

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  23. JaneFebruary 10, 2011 at 10:20 PM

    I'm glad that everything out good at the end.It really was a logical assumption though. I can see myself making the same mistake.Blessings jane

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  24. Deb ChitwoodFebruary 10, 2011 at 11:16 PM

    Thanks for the important reminder, Java. I think we're all guilty of assuming instead of asking at times. I'm happy you were able to resolve things with your best friend and really appreciate your honest and heartfelt post.
    Deb @ RaisingFigureSkaters.com

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  25. Brenda SusanFebruary 10, 2011 at 11:48 PM

    Sad and tough lesson learned, so sorry.

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  26. Pam AllenFebruary 11, 2011 at 12:52 PM

    Wow that story touched my heart! so true...never assume! So happy you 2 worked it all out and moving forward! Thanks for sharing!

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  27. Merana LeighFebruary 13, 2011 at 2:19 PM

    I try to practice this & tell my kids this....never judge the situation, judge things by who you KNOW the other person to be (the GENUINE person). If you base everything off of a situation instead, you are not basing it clearly. Things HAPPEN in people's lives that we know nothing about. But if you've KNOWN the essence of the character of someone truly, then you will know whether you should dig a little deeper, or if they are superficial enough to not be worth the effort. Some truly are worth it (altho' many are not!). Don't look back. You both have regrets about this. Be there for one another now. And remember, there's a reason the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror! Hugs ~ Merana

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  28. HollyFebruary 14, 2011 at 5:35 PM

    Glad things ended on a positive note, though. Frequently that's not the case when A$$uming happens... I've been guilty of being wrong in assumptions as well of having felt the sting of others assumptions... Yeah... not a good thing. If only we could remember the lesson when we're stepping inthe trap again. LOL!! (((HUGS)))

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  29. WendyBFebruary 15, 2011 at 7:00 PM

    I try not to assume, but it's hard, isn't it! Have a friend who has been distant and didn't turn up for me at a crucial moment. I'm pretty sure she's having "issues" again, but it still feels bad. Of course, I've reached out to her to find out what's going on but I haven't heard. Sometimes I just wish people would be honest and say, "I'm having a bad time...will get back to you when I'm doing better." I've said that myself!

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  30. mCatFebruary 16, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    Great lesson. I make this mistake more times than I care to admit. And yet get so mad when someone assumes somethng about me.....

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  31. Jean | DelightfulRepast.comFebruary 18, 2011 at 10:58 AM

    Java, I'm so glad I didn't miss this post! This is such an important message. It will very likely save a few friendships.

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